Bi-Top Married Dad, The Early Years… Brazen’s Beginnings Part I

Bi-Top Married Dad… Brazen’s Beginnings - Part I

Bi-Top Married Dad… Brazen’s Beginnings

A multi-part account from when I was a child of my earliest thoughts of men, and of the M2M sexual encounters I had from a young age through into my twenties and beyond.  I hope you read and enjoy.

PART I

Since I was about 8 years old, I guess I’ve known of my… aversion to girls.  I just felt things about older boys going on inside me and I was always keenly aware of the parts of a man’s body.  The male chest, nipples, waist, abs, powerful arms, and strong legs.  During the summers at the community pool or when playing outside around other boys without their shirts on, I was fascinated by their bare torsos as they were developing into their adolescence and early manhood.

This magnetism and curiosity stayed with me when I’d be playing alone in my bedroom, and I would incorporate it into whatever I was imagining.  Hell, I used to make my superhero action figures have orgies under my bed sheets.

Batman and Robin always had that special partnership once they got back to the Batcave, too. 

You should have seen the way the Hulk and Captain America went at it after the big fight.

Thor and Submariner were always a hot match up.  I think Submariner was the first image of male power, perfection, and superiority that really stuck with me at that young age.  I wanted so badly to be able to feel him.

I think I would have liked it much more if my action figures were anatomically correct.

I didn’t have anyone I could talk to or share these thoughts and feelings with.  I grew up in the kind of environment many others probably have.  For me, it was during the mid to late 1970’s in a household with older Italian Catholic women and an extended family who were religious and fearful of anything or anyone different.  Every lesson was built on guilt and shame, always made to feel what I did was wrong in some way shape or form.  My father, who is a great man and I love him dearly, never talked to me about sex or my body.  I did not grow up in an environment that welcomed nudity, or encouragement of discovery, or acceptance of sexuality.  I had no one who ever explained to me the changes my body would go through, or how to appreciate and love my body and penis regardless of size, shape, and ability.

I had no [living] older brother to admire, look up to, or learn from.  I always think back to my childhood and wonder how it would have been if my older brother had survived his illness at 3 months old.  He would have been about 5 years older than I.  We would have shared a bedroom, and I just know I would have seen him naked as his body developed and his dick grew.  When I would have hit puberty he would have been around 18, a perfect age gap for younger/older brother bonding.  Between the two of us dealing with uncontrollable horniness, I’m certain we would have masturbated together countless times.  Either I would have caught him late at night trying to be quiet while the soft slapping sound was coming from under his blanket, or perhaps he would have walked in on me while I was rubbing away at one of my first erections.  I look back wishing I could have had that naked bond and kinship with him, but that was not to be.  It was only myself in that bedroom during these crucial developmental years, facing all these thoughts and desires I didn’t understand.

I knew I couldn’t say out loud these thoughts I was having, or openly pursue what would satisfy my urges.  You just didn’t do that back then.  At home, I was never encouraged to discover who it is I was and follow my soul.  It was simply expected that I would grow up and marry, have children, and live as my parents did.  But as I look back at my young life, I can’t believe how many ‘gay’ occurrences I had.  It’s like I was destined for them, or perhaps I gave off some vibe to other boys that it was okay to try things with me.  The earliest I recall is when I was about ten years old and a group of about four of us wound up in an older teenager’s bedroom.  He was around fourteen at the time.  He needed to change because his clothes got muddy from the ball game we were all playing, and he made us stand shoulder to shoulder with our backs to him so he could strip and change.  When we were allowed to turn around again, he was in just a new clean pair of white briefs.  I was so taken by his body, I couldn’t stand it.  The older looking long, lanky, and narrow torso, the tall masculine legs, the thicker neck, the adam’s apple in his throat, and the bulge in his briefs… it all did something to me.  Just before we were to leave, as a joke he pulled down the front of his underwear and his full grown (and rather large) cock sprung out while he laughed.   It was a shock to all of us since he spent the last several minutes barking his command to stay turned around and not look while he changed.  I don’t know how it is for 'straight’ guys, but I was immediately enamored by it.  The nest of dark hair, the thick and lengthy tubular shaped shaft, the large helmet shaped head that weighed down the package and made it dangle and swing, and this droopy sack that it all rested on.   I wanted to somehow be closer to it.  It was amazing to me.

When I was in the 6th grade, I walked into the boy’s room and a friend of mine was standing at one of the urinals.  He was one of the 'big’ and jock-like kids in class, and I was always one of the smaller kids in class.  But he was never a bully.  He was always a nice guy to me.  For a 6th grader he must have developed early or maybe I developed late.  While he stood at the urinal I caught a full view from the side as he was finishing his piss, and his dick was huge.  It shocked me.  My own dick had not started to grow yet, and it was the first time I felt penis envy (lol), and it was the second time I was mesmerized by another boy’s penis.  I didn’t understand then why my dick didn’t seem to be growing, and his did. I immediately was flooded with thoughts of what it must be like to have all that big meatiness between my legs, and again I felt such a powerful magnetism toward it.  I needed to be close to it.

Later on that same school year, there was a 3 day trip to a campground about an hour away from home.  The entire 6th grade class would go, and they would bring in some 9th graders to be counselors.  Once we got to the camp, they separated us into groups of about 12 to 15 and assigned us to cabins.  Each cabin was lined with bunks one over the other along each side of the room, and there was a bathroom with small shower stall in back.  Our counselor was on the freshman soccer team in high school, and had the body that went with it.  When we were all settled in and getting ready to go to the mess hall for dinner, he took a quick shower and to all of our astonishment he walked out of the shower completely naked and dripping wet.  In the very center of the cabin he stood with all these 6th grade boys staring at him.  His entire body was coated in dark hair, very tight and strong abs, slender but muscular and very hairy legs, and a super thick bush that hung above this huge dick.  It flopped and dangled around as he walked about, giving me a first hand view of what a big dick does when free and unconstrained.  My stomach dropped and my mouth watered, and my head spun.  It was being en-grained deep into my brain what I was mesmerized by.  It wasn’t just his cock it was everything that made up the male body,  Especially a jock-like older one.

Then about two weeks later I was hanging out at my neighbor’s house.  My friend who was my age and his older brother were the only ones in the house.  I always had a crush on his older brother.  He was 3 years older than us, and had the perfect swimmer’s body for his early teens.  My crush had begun back when I was eight, and turned into an obsession that lasted several years.  We were both very into super heroes, and many times during the summer we’d be in his backyard swimming, and back then we wore skimpy tight Speedos.  He was on the swim team and had that smooth tapered swimmer’s body, yet had a muscular build up top in his pecs shoulders and arms.  He was fucking beautiful.  We usually would start playing like super heroes and fight in the pool, and continued once we got out of the pool.  They had this monkey bar tower in the yard, and I would climb to the top and jump down onto his shoulders, locking my legs around him.  He would throw me down to the grass, and wrestle fight with me, the two heroes locked tight in battle practically naked in our Speedos and our skin filmed in chlorine, so smooth while our bodies writhed together.  Straining against each others’ power and strength.

Now here I was a few years later, alone in the house with the two brothers and we decided to have a nude club.  I was out of my mind with excitement that I was going to get to see my swimmer bodied crush naked!  Once we were all out of our clothes, I was relieved when my friend also didn’t show signs of growing yet, but this teenage brother was fully grown and very large.  He was so beautiful.  Nothing physical happened, and there was nothing ‘gay’ about this little club of ours, but it became an hour of being able to ask the older brother questions about his dick, and pubic hair, and what cumming was like.  It was the first time I was allowed to truly stare at a fully grown cock, and I just… loved it.  The following summer, another kid who lived across the street asked me to join his 'fort club’ (the small tool shed on the side of his house).  It was large enough for about 4 people to walk in with a small window on the side wall.  The two of us sat on opposite sides, wondering what to do now that we’re in the fort club.  He suggested we have it be a naked club, and before I knew it our pants were down past our knees and we sat across from each other.   He was sporting a thick hard on.  It was the first time I saw an erect cock.  It stood straight up and the shape started out as very thick at the base and steadily narrowed until it reached the head.

I can’t quite describe the feeling of sitting across from another naked male mutually wanting to concentrate on one another, other than to say it felt so natural and comfortable.  It was very exciting.

My cock had finally started to develop since the previous summer, and I was getting an erection of my own.  I noticed my shaft was narrower than his and my head wasn’t as big.  He started giggling and flapping his hand up and down over his cock and I followed along, playfully laughing and messing around with our tools.  The other tools in the shed weren’t nearly as interesting as the ones attached to our young bodies.  Then he stood up and stepped to the center of the shed, and told me to get up and pretend we were fucking.  He bent over and exposed his naked ass to me, and still laughing I advanced forward and my hard dick nestled between his cheeks with the bottom of my shaft pressed against his hole.  We began dry humping and never stopped giggling.  By now… this buddying up with penis was starting to become more and more common and I was accepting it as how I’d like things to be.  My endless masturbation while thinking about other boys’ bodies began.  When I first discovered masturbating, I would take my pillow from inside my pillow case and rub it against the sensitive parts of my shaft.  It felt amazing.  Then I stuffed two pillows inside the same pillow case and would fuck between them.  The amount of little-boy cum I shot in there could have filled a two liter bottle.

During that same summer, or perhaps the next, a hike through some local woods with a friend of mine turned up something interesting.  As we were headed down this path, we found a XXX magazine badly hidden at the base of a tree beneath some deliberately placed rocks and tree bark.  The pile was very conspicuous and caught our eyes immediately.  What was inside the pages caught our eyes as well. It was the first time I was seeing an adult mag like this, and it was hard core.  There were these photo layouts of men and women fucking.  I remember to this day that it was the mens’ bodies that I focused on.  Their overall physique, their body hair, and mostly of course their big thick and hairy dicks.  Wow!  Men were just this perfect example of physical and sexual awesomeness.  When it came to the women, the main thing that made them exciting was what the men were doing to them.

When staring at the pictures, what captivated me the most was the very spot on the man’s penis where it made contact with the woman.  All that solid thickness and power.  That’s what did it for me.
What also drove me wild was that muscular section along the bottom center of the guy’s shaft that seemed to separate it into three parts.  I never saw that before, and it instantly impacted me.  Like Samson’s hair, I saw it as the source of a grown man’s power.  From that day forward when I see this on a man’s cock when he’s hard, I’m powerless against it. That dick owns me.

What excited me as much was being with my buddy when all of this was going on.  It just seemed like a much more significant experience, with him.

 Growing even more into my pre-adolescent years and having developed this curious magnetism for the male body, I became uncontrollably fascinated in the department store men's underwear section. I spent way too much time staring at the perfect bodies of these older men with the only thing being covered on them were their bulging cocks. Most were very tasteful, only showing the rounded curve at the bottom of their sack, but if you looked closely enough (and I did), you could find some where the shaft and head just couldn't be hidden. In fact, they used it to sell the product. It was like publicly acceptable porn to me. I would stand in that aisle having a purely sexual experience. My little cock buzzing, my mouth watering, my body feeling flushed, and my facial expression one of total mesmerized lust. Now I think back and wonder how many other boys my age had that same childhood experience in those aisles.

Flash forward a few years; I remember one night in the mid 1980’s being about 13 years old riding home from the mall in my mother’s car, and having to take a piss really badly. It was one of those times when you felt like your bladder was going to explode and there was no way I was making the 20 minute drive home.  She had to pull over to let me go, and it happened to be at a rest area on the side of the major interstate highway we were on. There were no restrooms, it was just a small roadway meant for trucks to pull aside. When I got out of the car I headed toward a narrow trail that led into a wooded area. I wanted to go far enough in so my mother and sisters wouldn’t have to watch me standing there peeing.

Just as I was walking in, an older truck driver who was standing nearby pointed to me and warned me to be careful back there.  I had no idea what he was talking about, but when I got back there I was surprised by the volume of people who seemed to be back there as well.  I could make out the silhouettes of so many people moving around in the tall brush and between the trees.  The headlights from the cars and trucks provided just enough ambient light to see what you were doing and allow for about a ten foot radius of sight.  I could hear all this rustling about, but I had no idea why.  On my way out, I came around a corner in the trail and walked up on two guys around twenty years old or so. One guy was standing with his jeans down around his ankles, and his big cock was sticking straight out. The other guy was on his knees jerking him off and I could tell he just pulled his mouth off that big dick.

The dude standing looked at me and gave me this smirk. No shock at being discovered, no surprise.  The look on his face seemed to say, “Hey little buddy… yeah, this is what it looks like to get your dick sucked and if feels fucking awesome. Glad you saw this. Welcome to our world.  Isn’t it great?”  It blew my mind. I spent the entire car ride home wishing I could have stayed there with those big 'brothers’ who would have taken care of me. It put the cruising bug into my brain. It also reminded me of how taken I was by a grown man’s cock and how much I would love to be 'trained’ by one.  Wow.

During the winter when I was 14, I got my first job pushing shopping carts at a local supermarket.  It was freezing cold out there, which only made you want to work harder to keep warm.  One day in March, it was particularly windy and stuff was getting blown all around the parking lot.  I went to do a cart run which took me far out into the lot.  There were a bunch of magazine pages blowing all over the place and getting stuck to trees or against the side of tires.  One of the pages flapped onto my leg and I had to grab it to get it off.   It was a page containing hot naked dudes fucking.  It shocked the hell out of me but I instantly got hard.  I started checking out the other pages that were blowing around, and sure enough it was page after page of naked studs and there was even a sex story which fortunately I was able to put together with the pages I had found.  They were torn out pages from Torso and Honcho Magazine.

I brought every one I could find home with me, and when I got into my bedroom I was immersed in clear and large photos of gay men.  HOT gay men.  Fucking, licking ass, and holding their hard dicks.  Then I got to read the story.  It was about an uncle who takes his nephew camping for the weekend by a private lake.  The nephew was exactly my age.  What a 'possible’ existence it opened me up to.  I must have jerked off to that story 50 times, each time wishing with everything I had that I could be that nephew.

But the hottest picture of them all was a close full body shot of this muscular guy around 30 with just the right amount of hair all over his body.  He was powerfully shaped like a real man should be.  Big, fit, wide, strong, super masculine, and his hard jaw line perfectly shaped his killer hot face.

My favorite part of the photo was that he wasn’t hard, and I was mesmerized by how big and heavy his cock was when it was soft.  His thick long shaft, his huge heavy head that weighed the shaft down and it rested against these big and heavy balls.  His loose nutsack molded their shape to the surface he was sitting on.  To top it off, he had a thick and perfectly formed black bush positioned above his huge cock. I never felt such magnetized lust for something in my life.

All I could think of when I looked at his incredible body and huge soft dick was that this is what everyone on the soccer team saw when he was the one showering in high school.  I just know he was proudly showing it off wherever he could.  This is what everyone will see when he’s naked in locker rooms, or at beach bathhouses.  That big manly dick heavily dangling and displaying this massive example of what ‘real’ manhood is.  He didn’t need to be sexually engaged with someone in order to display and parade around his large and beautiful tool.  He could be a dynamo anyplace he was able to be seen naked.   I was lost in that thought, and still think that way today.  This is what sprouted my love for big flaccid penis, and my fetish for having big floppy soft cocks mashing into my face.  Those magazine pages had such a deep impression on me, adding on to all those earlier experiences.  It was settled; MEN AND THEIR COCKS ARE HOT!
—
End Part I.  Click to read Part II, where I talk about when I was 14, and the night spent with my best friend in the fort we built.

** In my search for the best image to depict what I saw, I came across so many hot cocks that I couldn’t leave them out.  So let’s just bask in the awesomeness of several huge cocks that I would put on the near perfect list and have become the fixations of my penis envy.**

And what’s better than one beautiful penis?  Two!

Click to read Part II, where I talk about when I was 14, and the night spent with my best friend in the fort we built.